Just Wait Till the Honeymoon is Over

It is funny how not so encouraging people can be when a couple gets married.  I have officiated at enough weddings to hear all of the “jokes” multiple times…”You still have time to run,”  “This is your last night of freedom,”  “There are no keys for the old ball and chain,” and I can remember people saying to me, “It’s all great now, but just wait till the honeymoon is over.” 

I guess in some ways they were right.  The honeymoon was great because it was not based in reality.  It was a vacation. How can the routine and mundane of daily life compete with fantasy?  That’s not even playing fair.  So, they were right in that the fantasy does end with the honeymoon.

Those who said, “Just wait till the honeymoon is over,” were also right in the sense that learning to live in the same house with someone was a whole lot different than dating and being engaged.  Kimberly and I both brought our own strengths, weaknesses, and baggage from the past, expectations for the future and families of origin’s influence into our new marriage.  And so yes, it was true that when the fantasy of the honeymoon ended we had to stare reality in the face.  I guess some would look at that as a bad thing. 

However, if the honeymoon fantasy would have never ended we would have never ventured into the depths of true love that continues to grow in our relationship going on 13 years later. I have discovered what unconditional love means as Kimberly loves me not for who she wishes I would be but for who I am.  I hope Kimberly has received the same from me.  Each issue, stressor or problem we have had to navigate, be its source internal or external, has not hurt, but helped our relationship to become more authentic and healthy.  I enjoyed our honeymoon, but frankly, I am glad it could not last forever because I did not marry Kimberly to share in a fantasy with her but to walk with her through the day by day reality called life.  It is when the honeymoon was over that the best days of our relationship began and out of which have continued to grow.

So, here we are CFNAZ family.  We said our “I do’s” on November 10, 2013.  We began our honeymoon in January.  It was a beautiful time for which I will always look back with gratefulness and warm memories.  The way you all went out of your way to welcome us and help us transition was beyond words.  Moreover, your openness and responsiveness to the Sprit was made visible through the fruit of the following: 27 commitments to Christ since January, over $77,000 pledged to Faith Promise Plus, the marble vote at the annual meeting in which you gave us permission to let go of other ministries so we can put the best of our time, energy and resources into corporate worship, connection groups, community outreach and Sunday School, 165 of you signed up to serve on the C.O.O.L. project, you have allowed us to revise an old model in a new way for reaching the next generation by calling a part-time youth Pastor (plus part-time discipleship pastor) to lead us in a discipleship model that equips parents and multiple adult mentors to change the statistic that says 59% of kids raised in the church will leave their faith when they graduate from high school, the move of classes to make our building safe and secure for children, God turning your donated items into a huge open door to a local public school, 675 on Easter and that is not even naming everything!  Praise God and thank you!  What a great honeymoon period it has been!

And now it has been long enough that I think we can say, “The honeymoon is over.”  So, is that a good thing or bad thing in your mind?  I can’t answer for you, but for me it is a good thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed and valued the honeymoon period as much as anyone.  However, it is not in the honeymoon that the real work, depth and authenticity of a marriage is developed.  By this time in our “marriage” as Pastor and Church Family may be you feel like Kimberly must have after our honeymoon.  You feel like you have smelled my morning breath and seen what is left of my hair a mess.  Let’s just say it’s not a pretty picture! :-) And now, like in any marriage, we all must reach a point where we decide if we are glad the honeymoon is over.

Just so you know, “I’m glad the honeymoon is over.”  I believe that is not only good for me and you but for the Kingdom of God.  Because God did not bring us together as Pastor and Church family to live in a fantasy world, but to send us as a light into the reality of a world that is dark. Here is what I dream for the reality of our “marriage”: I don’t want everybody to feel like they leave every sermon I preach happy and full, but I pray, you and I both will leave still hungry so we will feed on God’s Word all week long and that you and I will regularly leave offended by the radical expectation of self-denial Jesus claims he has a right to ask of us.  I dream for us to fully explore and embrace whatever God leads us to in the Refocus process. I don’t want us to just smile and play nice in front of each other, but to make room for a loving honesty that makes Jesus proud as we follow him through the steps he gives us in Matthew 18.  I want us to grow so strong in the Lord together that the armies of hell in Canton, Ohio and beyond will grow increasingly terrified of our very presence. I want us to challenge each other to quit asking what do we want, need and prefer and to boldly ask what God wants and what do lost people need to see Jesus. I want us to dare to see each other as we truly are—the pretty and the ugly—and to love each other all the more. 

So, yes, in my assessment the honeymoon is over.  And as far as I am concerned that is best thing that could have ever happened because the best things of God are not based in fantasy, but reality.  What do you think?